Jane Jensen
Juliet Capulet
Will Keenan
Tromeo Que
Valentine Miele
Murray Martini
William Beckwith
Cappy Capulet
Steve Gibbons
London Arbuckle
Sean Gunn
Sammy Capulet
Debbie Rochon
Ness
Lemmy
Narrator
Stephen Blackehart
Benny Que
Flip Brown
Father Lawrence
Earl McKoy
Monty Que
Gene Terinoni
Detective Ernie Scalus
Wendy Adams
Ingrid Capulet
Tamara Marie Watson
Georgie Capulet
Jacqueline Tavarez
Rosy
Tiffany Shepis
Peter
Joe Fleishaker
1-900-HOT-HUNK
James Gunn
Found a Peanut Father
Lloyd Kaufman
Shocked Onlooker
Lisbeth Kaufman
Mutant Kid
Charlotte Kaufman
Mutant Kid
Caroline Smith
Pauline
Jason Green
Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (uncredited)