John Kassir
Crypt Keeper (voice)
Mary Ellen Trainor
Wife
Larry Drake
Santa
Marshall Bell
Joseph
Lindsey Whitney Barry
Carrie Ann
Kirk Douglas
General Kalthrob
Eric Douglas
Lt. Martin Kalthrob
Lance Henriksen
Sergeant Ripper
Dan Aykroyd
Captain Milligan
Dominick Morra
Priest
Steve Boyum
King
Chuck Picerni Jr.
Jones
Anthony Gallo
Corporal
R. David Smith
Soldier
Humphrey Bogart
Lou Spinelli (archive footage)
John Lithgow
Dr. Oscar Charles
Isabella Rossellini
Betty Spinelli
Sherilyn Fenn
Erika
Robert Sacchi
Lou Spinelli (voice)
Julie Ariola
Doris
José Rey
Paramedic #1
Carl Gilliard
Paramedic #1