The memories of childhood come back to me, the love and care of my grandfather oppose the pale face and abandoned body that I see today. Our idyllic relationship has become a dark and distressing bond, his long illness and addiction to morphine have transformed him into an absent being; we are two distant people, almost unknown. Through this essay I explore my memories to understand what unites us and what separates us, an attempt to go through recent pain and reconcile with the figure of my grandfather. A search for a body that fades into childhood memories.